I don't know when and where it all started , I was just trying to think, when exactly and how I started feeling irritated and then guilty .and someone knocked the door !!

Insu-knock knock , somebody listening or I should go !! (I am still in my thoughts )

Insu- excuse me ,it's me Insu , remember we met at the lake .( oh ! you are so excused , me trying to ignore :O)

Insu- okay !! I am going , , I thought may be we can have a sip of tea together (no coffee lovers are harmed here :D)

me- wait ! wait , okay let have a cup of tea together and promise , no more realization with your smartness.

Insu - sure ! (oh , let's see ), but at least share what you were thinking . i want to know

me- okay ! I am such a bad person , I behave badly with everyone, how much I try to remain calm , but as soon as I encounter things which are not right according to me , I just throw big big sentences towards these things and then i feel guilty because how much I practice to ignore and practice to say -it's okay , no problem, you are correct, all my practice just hide when I don't feel good in my surrounding and I say again what i want to say . and then again feel guilty and again and again .

Insu - oh oh !! ahann and ??

me- (wondering , first time nobody asked me to slow down and even asked AND??)

Insu , world around me is so well mannered ,they first think and then act that's why they don't feel guilty and I can't do it and feel bad about my action.

Insu - which actions ?

me- I just told you ! I react , I say thing which I don't find correct, I like being in peace not Piece so not ready to adjust in what is available , I want to make my own space of peace where i can feed those who can't, where I can just sit silently hours without uttering a word , where I can freely tell somebody that ignorance is wrong , where I can express each emotion I feel , I want to say I am happy and I am sad at same time, I am angry , I am calm today , I am feeling joyful enjoying my tea but sad because I feel many people don't have luxury of having food everyday , I want to talk about every mood . Iwant toooo !!! - o o oh again ! got trapped in your smartness Insu .

Insu - ha ha ! I knew it , you cant lie to me .

me- so , now what ??

Insu - what ?

me - give me solution . you are smart you have solution to every problem , so could have of my behavior and guilt.

Insu - oh ! that , I thought you were telling me solution only .

me - no !! that were my problems . :-

Insu - I don't think so . you said I WANT TO -blah blah .
if you want to , then how it can be a problem , it must be a solution .

me- (amazed !! how I don't observe my words , and Insu does every time ) :O

Insu - what happen !!

me- but I feel guilty .

insu - almost everyone does at some point of time, because we are not machines , we do mistakes , we say thing sometimes we are not supposed to, we act real .

me- how do you know ?

Insu - oh ! I am Insu , you forgot ?? I know everything :D

me- you just said we!! do you also feel, act like this. (utter proud feeling of catching Insu's conversation :)

Insu - oh yes !! i am also not machine . i am like you only .

me- ooo !

Insu - yes ! I try not to feel guilty of my behavior if it is correct thing , I am a little wordy so I say big sentences , but if I feel I said right things in a little harsh way - i say sorry ! i said it in wrong way but what I said was correct :)

me- oooo ! that's a good one.

Insu -can I get one more cup .

me - Insu !! time over and tea over . you are welcomed but now is my time . I want to enjoy by myself .

Insu - yes ! exactly , same way .bye bye . I was just testing you .

me - what ?? :- (I need to remember my words ,i think i said something good .)

ooo -- I understood . . thank you Insu . bye bye . :)

we all can accept ourselves with our flaws , they are actually part of our personality . when we start accepting ourselves , we start healing from our past . when we accept ourselves , we accept everyone as they are . we not more hide behind a defense mechanism , we slowly stop running away from world and ourselves . we start challenging ourselves . we start making decision for ourselves and not for world anymore. we feel happy, feel okay when it is bad day , we don't feel sad about being sad , we feel okay being anxious , angry . we enjoy happy moments and then we automatically find ourselves with good surroundings. we have less guilt left and more acceptance filled with joy :). and that's me :D because Insu's tea got over here for today . Insu knocked at your door !! :)
keep being the way you are :)